Female Bashing

Q: How many women does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Q: Why do women have smaller feet then men?
A: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Q: How do you fix a women’s watch?
A: You don’t. There’s a clock on the oven.

Q: Why do men pass more gas than women do?
A: Because women don’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.

Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, which do you let in first?
A: The dog of course. At least he’ll shut up after you let him in.

Q: What’s worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A: A women who won’t do what she’s told.

Q: What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A: Divorced.

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Everything I’ve ever learned, I learned from Star Wars

Never trust men in dark helmets. It really isn’t necessary to be fluent in over 6 million forms of communication. When all else fails….jump! Sometimes, you’ve just gotta do something that seems totally suicidal. If you are a young hero, nothing can kill you. Always check the background of people you want to get intimately

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DEATH STAR = DEATH TRAP

For all the yipping Admiral Motti does about his station being the “ultimate power in the universe,” certain aspects of the Death Star’s construction leave a lot to be desired. Indeed, on several occasions the Death Star’s sinister engineers seemingly made it one of their design specifications to make things as dangerous as possible. Consider

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T-Shirts in the Star Wars Universe

“My Mom (and/or Dad) fought at the Battle of (Yavin/Hoth/Endor) and all I got was this lousy t-shirt” “Have you hugged a wookie today?” “I’m with stupid” (With arrow pointing to Jabba) “My astromech went to the Death Star and all I got were the lousy Technical Schematics” “Emperor’s slugs need love too”

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Bumper stickers in the Star Wars Universe

My Jedi brat can beat up your honors student I survived the Battle of Endor Palpatine, save me from your followers My other starship is an SSD Visit Scenic Beggars Canyon Jedi Master on board — please fly carefully Support your local stormtrooper — buy Imperial Max Rebo Tour ’99 [or whatever year it is]

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