10) MTV actually played videos in the 80’s. 9) There were only one kind of Nike tennis shoes (white with a red swish), and they didn’t cost $125. 8) A comb in your back pocket is more practical and less painful than a ring through your nose. 7) In the 80’s playing video games actually
Q: How many women does it take to open a beer?A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?A: Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you. Q: Why do
Q. What does HMO stand for?A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, “Hey, Moe!” Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice
He saved Luke’s life about a bazillion times He’s cool He helped destroy 3, count em’, 3 Death Stars (Read the books!) He eats TIE fighters for breakfast He’s cool He has that stylish orange flight jump suit “Look at the size of that thing!” He’s cool He can topple an AT-AT in his sleep
Excerpted from an article about a bank robbery which appeared in the Dublin Times (metropolitan edition, page 2A) on 2 March 1999: Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the internal security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and
Memo to: The members of the Kansas Board of Education From: God Re: Your decision to eliminate the teaching of evolution as science. Thank you for your support. Much obliged. Now, go forth and multiply. Beget many children. And yea, your children shall beget children. And their children shall beget children, and their children’s children
There once was a nonconformist bird that decided not to fly south for the winter. He said “I’ve had enough of this flying south every winter, I’ll just stay right here on this farm, what’s the big deal, anyway?” So he stayed. Winter came and was very cold, the nonconformist bird had never felt such
10). In the Star Wars universe, weapons rarely, if ever, are set on “stun.” 9). The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of twenty just to go into warp. The Millennium Falcon does the same thing with just R2-D2 and a Wookie. 8). After resisting the Imperial torture
A New Hope ‘She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts, kid.’ ‘Curse my metal body, I wasn’t fast enough!’ ‘Look at the size of that thing!’ ‘Sorry about the mess…’ ‘You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.’ ‘Aren’t you a little short for a Stormtrooper?’ ‘You’ve
New scene in which Chewbacca teaches Han Solo how to lick himself. The commercial tie-in appearance of Jabba’s big brother, Pizza the Hut. Newly-colorized Darth Vader is mauve.Jabba the Butt-head saying, “Hehe…hehe…she said, ‘Lay ya.’” During one lonely night, Princess Lea finds R2D2’s special attachment. Anti-fur activists from planet PETA spray Chewbacca with red paint.
10). Storm-troopers are the Empire’s first line of defense. 9). All ships and installations are built around a “main reactor.” 8). Exhaust ports are big enough for proton torpedoes and always lead to the “main reactor”. 7). TIE Fighters have no shields. 6). The Emperor’s best troops were defeated by rock and stick wielding teddy
Q. What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?A. They both want to know where all those Tomahawks are coming from! Q: What is the best Iraqi job?A: Foreign Ambassador. Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?A. You only have to teach them to take